A lot of men (but not ALL men, of course) don’t have the best grasp on the idea of consent. Bachpan se hum movies hee aisi dekhtay hain jin main sikhaya jaata hai that if you chase a woman enough, she will be yours. Because, after all, women toh objects hai. Khair, there’s this theory that sometimes, when women say no, they may actually mean it.

Phir bhi, just in case some men need a bit of an elaboration on this theory, here’s a list of things desi girls actually mean when they say ‘no:’

1. Nahi

So, the first time a girl or a woman says no, chances are that she means it. Imagine that – people actually saying stuff they mean the first time around. What a wild concept.

2. Bilkul nahi

Understandably, pehli dafa main kabhi kabhaar banday ko sunayi nahi deta. That’s okay, hota hai. However, just to reiterate – the second time around, no still means no.

3. Not interested

A lot of the times, it is construed that the woman is being arrogant and stuck-up. You pursue her relentlessly and think ke bhai, she HAS to say yes. But like, here’s the flipside – she’s possibly not interested. Imagine that.

4. Not even the slightest chance

Often, the word ‘no’ is repeated over and again. Some men think this is a challenge because bachpan se sikhaya hee yehi jaata hai. But like, more often than not, if a no is repeated over and over and over again, it probably (definitely) means no.

5. Back off

Jab bilkul hee samajh nahi aati, toh no can also start to mean ‘back off.’ Because thora aggressive hona parhta hai. 

6. Jitna chase karlo, it’s still a no

Picture this: a guy likes a girl, the girl doesn’t like the guy. The girl says no, the guy keeps asking. The girl keeps saying no, guy gears up for the chase of a lifetime. Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s basically the plot of almost every movie/show/song we’ve grown up watching. But the difference, as hard as it may be to believe, is that that’s not real life. And women in real life may actually not be blown away by all these gestures.

7. No, it’s not endearing

Guess what? Some women actually think that not respecting their decision or undermining the importance of consent is actually problematic and not at all cute.

8. A no repeated several times can also indicate discomfort, even if it isn’t said out loud

You know how things get extremely uneasy when you have to keep saying no repeatedly? Yeah, that discomfort becomes evident but is often (unfortunately) overlooked.

9. Still no

Starting to sense a bit of a pattern here, right?

10. No will always really mean no

There’s definitely a pattern.

11. You’d think by now it’s a yes, but it’s still a no

The pattern’s not breaking, doston. If a woman says no, it means no.

12. Yeah – basically nothing but a no

Can we agree on the fact that a no – in every language, said in any way, at any point during the entire interaction, is nothing but a no?

13. Just to reiterate, because the first few times may not always be clear to many – no, up to this point, still means no

No means no and nothing else. More men need to respect the word, the sentiment behind it and, more importantly, the woman saying it.

On a very serious note, consent is underplayed and undermined to a large extent. No woman should have to say no more than once or justify herself for the decision she’s taken. Women should not have to explain themselves and fel guilty for saying no. And their word needs to be respected. There is a dire need for that respect.

Hopefully, this little list gives a slightly clearer insight as to what desi girls and women mean when they say no. If it doesn’t make a lot of sense the first time, well – that’s okay. Years of internalized misogyny does take a while to vacate the spot it has snugly made within numerous minds. With enough practice, though, this list should really do the trick and work. Let us know if it helps.

Cover Image Via: @kinzahashmi / Instagram