Desi aunties are a pain in the a**
We all know that Pakistanis can be some of the most loving, hospitable and generous people around. However, they can also be incredibly blunt, painfully honest and tell you exactly what they’re thinking, #nofilter.
Whether you’re at a wedding, a friends house or literally in any public space with other women around, you will most likely be hearing some of these wonderful words of wisdom.
1. The most annoying words out of the mouths of desi aunties always start with, “beta mind na karna leiken…”
If any aunty says this to you , just know that jho bhee baat hone lagee hai, you will mind it. Tyaar ho jao.
2. For some reason desi aunties also love to comment on your weight without looking at their own, “thora put on kiya hai?”
Jee I know I have put on a bit of weight aunty jee, you really don’t have to point at (and poke) my stomach. Oh and to all of my weight lifting girls out there, you are NOT fat, you are toned. Embrace it, flex those muscles, love you.
3. “Uff aap ki skin ko kya hogaya?”
Whether you have a tiny zit or a black head or two, chances are aunty won’t let you go without pointing it out and giving you her dermatologists’ number.
4. And yes, desi aunties don’t just body shame the thicc and beautiful girls, “Betay aur khao, itnee kamzor lagrii ho“
Aik tho aap keh ree hain kum khaoo, yet you’re still forcing me to eat seven of your finger sandwiches and two plates of halva. What do you want from meeeeeeeeeee aunty jeeeeeeeeee?
5. Woh desi aunties hee kiya jo color shaming na karein, “itnee kaali ho gayii ho“
Being fair skinned in Pakistan is basically the end all and be all of being beautiful. If you happen to spend a little too much time in the sun, don’t be surprised if you get any “Rishtay kaisai ayein gae?!” comments.
6. And the favorite topic of all desi aunties, “bus ab shaadi karlo“
Nope, it doesn’t matter that you just got into your dream school, that you just graduated from medical school or won a Nobel Peace Prize, shok poora karliya? Bus theek hai, ab shaadi karlo.
7. If you’re already married, desi aunties also have their backup favorite topic. “bus ab bachay hojaein toh acha hojae“
It’s also definitely not enough that you just got married, do your job. Have some babies and eat more halva challo shaabash.
8. Nothing is hidden from the eagle-eyed desi aunties, “why are your jeans ripped? Beta did you fall?”
Note to self, never try and be fashionable in front of desi aunties or wear ripped jeans in front of adults in general.
9. “Aap baal ko brush nai kartii?”
So sorry to all my frizzy haired friends, these aunties are definitely not going to make your life any easier.
10. “Itna zyaada makeup na lagao beta skin kharab hojaegi“
Thanks for cramping my style aunty, this contour took 45 minutes.
11. Yes, of course! Slut shaming is another talent in the repertoire of all desi aunties, “aap ki blouse zyaada choti nai hai?”
Jee, but your daughter’s blouse is a lot shorter so don’t start with me please.
12. “Woh mera beta bata raha tha uss ne aap ko raat ko 2 bajay bahar kisi larkay ke saath dekha tha“
Dekha tha toh? And what was your son doing out at this hour if you’re so worried about me, auntie jee?
13. And after all this, desi aunties will end their taunts with “aray main tho mazaak kari thii!”
After everything is said and done and you are left completely humiliated and bistofied by aunty jee, it’s all okay because she was just joking. Right. Ha ha.
Even though they are just about as subtle as a knife, we know that whatever our moms, khalas, phuphos, friends’ moms and random aunties at the parlor say and do, they do it completely out of love.
Love to all of the aunties out there, keep being you but thori sharam bhi kar liya karein kabhi.
Cover image via: MD Productions / Cereal Entertainment