So guys, in case you didn’t know this: death is inevitable. It’s also everywhere. Like it pretty much follows you where you go. Bathroom main ho? You could slip, fall and die. Bistar main ho? You could get sleep paralysis, hallucinate and give yourself a heart attack. The probability of any of this happening isn’t too high, of course. But you’ve got to look out for yourself, friends. Because aren’t we all in a battle ground with death as our opponent?

So, here’s a bunch of things you should look out for that may probably kill you soon:

1. Dil ka dard is practically a gateway to death

Ugh, don’t you hate it when everything is going A okay and then, boom – someone breaks your heart? Just like that, your world starts to crumble. You feel numb and heavy. And it feels like nothing could be worse than this pain. Well, you’re partially right. Or not. But hey, everyone deals with dil ka dard in their own way. So when you’re struggling with heartache, make sure you keep your eye out for the hands of death aching to wrap their bony claws around you.

2. Ghar walon ke taanay 

Matlab, maar hi dou banday ko. Taanay are the worst. And they’re evergreen. They’re recyclable, reusable and they hurt just as bad each time. This is just sad, tbh.

3. Our entertainment industry

There have been some pretty great shows and movies. And then, well – let’s just say, ab TV dekh ke chain aye na. 

4. Oh, there’s also global warming

So, just as a bit of an intro: global warming is the increase in the overall temperature due to the greenhouse effect caused by the increased levels of carbon dioxide, chlorofluorocarbons, and other harmful pollutants. And it’s kinda been whipping our ass for a pretty long period of time. For example, there’s been a rise in mean temperature in coastal areas in Pakistan, along with a 0.5 to 0.7% increase in solar radiation over the southern half of the country. Fun facts, guys.

5. And climate change in general

Did you know that Pakistan is actually suffering at the hands of climate change? In the past decade, Pakistan has been hit by floods almost every year. The 2010 flood was perhaps the deadliest and claimed 1781 lives. The frequency and intensity of Cyclones have also increased over the Arabian Sea during the last 50 years. If nothing else kills us, climate change definitely will.

6. Pollution will definitely kill you at some point

Remember that smog that was basically like “Hey guys, I’m here to stay” to residents of Lahore? Well, that’s just the visible damage that our country is facing due to pollution. Noise pollution and air pollution have pretty much disrupted the framework of the country. And the sad part is, it’s not getting any better.

7. Contaminated water, too

Another not-so-fun fact: more than 80% Pakistanis consume contaminated and unsafe water, according to Minister for Science and Technology, Rana Tanveer. What if you’re a part of the 80%?

8. Being from a different religious background

Because we’re just so tolerant. Not like we lose people from different religious backgrounds in targeted attacks, right?

9. Having opinions

Log tayyar baithay hain lynch karne ke liye. If you dare to be different and voice your different opinion, death is a lot closer to you than you think.

10. Being a woman

If you’re a woman who is deemed begairat or behaya, you will be killed in the name of honor. But you’ll also be killed over religious disputes, issues with dowry, or simply turning down a guy you don’t like.

11. Actually, being a man, too

You thought being a man is easy? Well, think about it this way: some people will probably refrain from raising their hands on women. Men are considered fair game, though. As unfortunate as it is, just don’t get on anyone’s bad side.

12. Trump

This literally needs no explanation. The nuclear codes are in the hands of a guy who can’t even tweet right. Koi haal nahi hai. 

13. But like, also our own country’s socio-political climate

Yeah, we like to make fun of Trump and America, but our own country isn’t doing too well politically or socially. So like, let’s do some apne girebaan main jhaankna first.

Wow, that’s a lot of potential death-inducing stuff. It’s almost like everything around you wants to kill you. Strange, right? But you know what? Keep your head up, try not to be a part of the problem and you might just make it. Good luck, doston. See you on the other side.

Cover image via: @AamirLiaquat/ Twitter