Dear Parents,

Please stop comparing us, will you?

Pakistani parents have been known for their habitual comparing. Comparing their youngest child to their oldest, comparing fallan fallan mamu’s kids to their own etc etc.

It gets to a point where you hope that nobody does anything extraordinary or slightly above average kyunke pressure tum pe hi paray gi.

Please stop, it isn’t healthy to do this, and you’re messing up your perfect child

Most desi kids have heard stuff like, ‘uss ke grades dekho aur apne dekho’. The day exam results would come out would be a day of dread for most children.

The fact that you tried your level best isn’t celebrated but rather you’ll be pulled down just because someone else did better. It’s as if your life and your accomplishments are measured in somebody else’s life and accomplishments. And let’s be real, how’s that ever a measure of someone’s success? You feel like shit and you feel like you can never be good enough.

For whatever reason we can never seem to get it through our heads that each child is different.

Yes, okay your older child might be a math genius but that does not mean your younger child will be too. Every person is different from each other, and yeah, that rule applies to your children too.

Parents don’t realize it but this constant ‘uss ko dekho, kya kuch karliya’ mentality will either make your child super super insecure and under confident and it may make them hate you. And mostly, both will happen. Their self worth will be weighed in contrast with someone else. They won’t see themselves for their strengths and weaknesses, but rather see only their weakness, that too compared to the strengths of someone else. Yes the world may be a cruel place, but doing this comparison doesn’t help anyone.

Isn’t it more important to raise a child that is more self aware of their own strengths and weaknesses?

And isn’t it more important to have their strengths shine through and slowly work with them on their weaknesses? It has, historicaly, been support that allowed people to accomplish some of the biggest feats known to mankind

A family, and especially parents are a support system. When your support system doesn’t really support you, you’ll walk into this world not sure of yourself and that is ten times worse than getting a B on an exam your older sibling got an A+ on.

How can your children form any sort of healthy relationship with you when you constantly discredit their success by measuring it against someone else’s?

Yes, you love them because they’re your parents but you aren’t able to have trust, or worse, you’re always scared of disappointing them. This fear grips children, all the way till they become adults. ‘What do my parents think? Will they approve, will they not?’

And to all the children who’re reading this, here’s a tiny note to you guys:

If you know your younger bhai behan is being compared to you, tell your parents off. It isn’t right and you definitely shouldn’t be letting it happen. Be there for them when they need, sometimes all they need is just knowing that bhaijaan or baji are there and they get me.

And parents, we love you but you really do need to stop the comparison. You can’t expect a fish to learn to climb a tree, can you?

Yours forever,

Aap ke pyaare bachay.