Socializing these days already feels like a trek to Mordor, and it’s become so much harder now that everyone and anyone’s got a lit cigarette entwined in their fingers. If you’re one of the few who don’t smoke and barely get high, you’ll agree that peer pressure has now become an inescapable plague that’s taken Pakistan by storm.

So what do you do when you’re asked the inevitable?

“Do you want a cigarette?”

“Do you want to smoke up?”

You don’t. But everyone’s doing it. And as soon as you decline, you’re given more looks of disgust than when Sahir Lodhi’s new movie trailer came out.

So what do you do? Do you give in? Do you turn to the dark side?

NO. YOU DONUT. STAND YOUR GROUND. SAY NO TO PEER PRESSURE!

Here are 15 responses that’ll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces.

1. “I only smoke beautiful men and women.”

2. “I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette”

This one always works. Trust fried chicken.

3. “Yaar Abba nahi maanenge.”

When none of your bahanay work, blame it on abba. That always works.

4. Stare at them in absolute horror and terror.

Sometimes not saying can say a lot.

5. Do a little jiggle.

6. Silently lick your lips at them.

If saying no is a little awkward, here’s a way to make it even more awkward.

7. Awkwardly look at your watch (an imaginary one will do too), exclaim “ah is that the time!” And run.

8. Sing a few snippets of Taher Shah.

My personal favorite – “your face and glorious eyes I can see with my spectrum eyes. It’s a genuine classic love serious feelings romantic love.”

And then casually walk away.

9. “I lost my dog to cigarettes so it’s a touchy subject.”

10. Make some noise…

Any noise. Make sure it’s loud, though. That ought to shut ’em up.

11. “Mujhse naa ho payega.”

Waqi mein nahi ho payega. 

12. “Cigarettes are beneath me. I only smoke finely lit Gentlemanly cigars you peasant.”

13. Channel your inner Imran Khan and scream “TABDEELI AA NAHI RAHI, TABDEELI AA GAYI HAI” at the top of your lungs.

And then take their cigarette out of their mouth and stamp on it.

14. “I’m actually a recovering alcoholic slash cocaine addict so I don’t think it appropriate to add to the list.”

15. “I’ve rather taken a liking to my lungs thank you and I think things are getting pretty serious.”

Nothing quite like a love story with your lungs. Mmm lungs.

What would you say if you’re being pressured into smoking by your friends?