Whether we like it or not, Bollywood shapes the lives of many people we know. And that’s kind of a problem.

While our film industry has been slowly inching forward, a lot of us have been feeding off Bollywood from pretty much our childhood. Don’t get me wrong, Bollywood is pretty great. But some of the things it promotes kinda sorta do some damage. Since most of the protagonists tend to be male, here’s how promotes a messed up version of mardaangi:

It teaches men a warped idea of consent

From chasing girls in an attempt to look romantic to basically having songs that promote the na-means-haan mindset – Bollywood is not the best tutor when it comes to seeking consent. Most of the songs have a recurrent theme of not giving a fuck about what women have to say and essentially harassing them into saying yes. This is often written off as romance, especially because the hero always gets the girl.

“Tu haan kar ya na kar, tu hai meri Kiran.”

But did you ask for Kiran’s consent, though?

There’s also a thin line between love and craziness – one that isn’t well defined

C-c-c-can we like stop being okay with the glorification of craziness? We can’t keep celebrating crazy stalkers. Pretty counter-productive. Definitely not the lesson that desi men should be learning, but unfortunately have picked up on.

Abuse is casually mistaken for love

“Let’s tell men it’s okay to pass off abuse and possessiveness as love.”

‘Yeah, we should get Shah Rukh to do most of these movies, though. So it seems okay.’

“Brilliant. You’re promoted.”

^Probably how they decide on how to normalize abuse.

Sexism is promoted rampantly

~Sanskaar.~

~Parampara.~

~Other Hindi words that sound fancy and are basically adding to casual sexism.~

Have a lot of Bollywood movies not taught men that there’s a type of girl you marry and a type of girl you date? From Kuch Kuch Hota Hai to Cocktail, men have had this instilled in their minds. Moreover, objectification ka lesson toh har movie main sikhate hain. 

The lingo isn’t too great either

“What should we call the actresses in our movies?”

‘LMAO they don’t need names, we’ll just call them item, tota, patakha, phuljari.‘

“You’re a genius.”

And thus, men incorporate this lingo into their daily lives like it’s no big deal. Of course, one can argue that it’s their choice to do so. And absolutely, it is. But if something is passed off as normal and has, in fact, been normalized over the years, its incorporation into daily life seems like a pretty okay thing to do.

Pakistani men end up having to face unrealistic expectations

All actors have this perfectly sculpted body that makes it seem like they were born in gyms. This can create a sense of insecurity. Additionally, Bollywood actresses are all drop dead gorgeous too. While they’re real women at the end of the day too, not everyone can look like that. And not everyone can end up with someone who looks like that. Which is more than fine, btw. But ideas of self-love and expectations from the opposite sex get a little screwed up along the way.

Men end up thinking that this is what they should look like:

And kinda expect women to look like this:

We can’t all be Siddharths and Katrinas, you know?

Moreover, the “angry, young man” character negates the idea of being emotional

The idea of remaining stoic has been promoted for so long that men think it’s okay, and preferable, to bottle up their emotions.

“Mard ko dard nahi hota.”

“Mard ban. Ro mat.”

“Kya larkion ki tarah ro raha hai?”

That doesn’t sound right, does it? We can’t have our men internalize their feelings. That’s a) unhealthy, b) a surefire way to end up with mental health issues and c) completely unnecessary.

Lastly, a very toxic form of masculinity is displayed at times

Stalking, overlooking consent, objectifying, internalizing emotions and fragile egos – all of these make up a very toxic form of masculinity. One that is and has been promoted and been passed off as acceptable for eons. Unfortunately, desi men have picked up on that a lot. And it kinda hasn’t helped.

Bollywood hurts women in countless ways that have been discussed before. But we need to focus on how it hurts our men as well. These are just some of the ways in which this is done. If you can think of more or have something to say about the topic, let us know in the comments below.

Cover image via Optimystix Entertainment