When was the last time someone referred to you as “baji” or “bhai” and you got pissed off? Be it baji or bhai, I am a 100% sure it did not piss you off as much as being called “aunty,” or “bibi”. Either way, people don’t like being called anything which gives off the impression that others consider them to be old or elderly. Moreover, the context and tone matter A LOT.
Therefore, a Twitter user took to social media to talk about the term, “bibi.” More specifically – she wanted to know of a patronizing male equivalent of the same.
What is the male equivalent of ‘bibi’? I need a term that is equally patronising to call men who talk down to me. Suggestions welcome!
— Nida Kirmani (@nidkirm) September 8, 2018
Usually, “bibi” is often used when people wish to avoid using baji, behan, bhabi, and other desi labels while referring to someone. However, the claim that it is used by men and women, alike, for showing contempt is not untrue.
The title itself projects respect for the referent; however, the tone in which it is often used is where the problem lies. For instance:
“Bibi, rehne dein, aap ke bas se bahir hai.”
“Arey bibi, kaise gaari chala rahi hain?”
More than often, people in Pakistan use the term in a derogatory and condescending manner, almost spitting the word as an insult. While the term itself is not even remotely disrespectful, the way in which it is said or the contexts in which it is used are mostly demeaning and derogatory.
This lady’s take on the matter made people on Twitter put some thought into the matter.
Someone called me “bibi” yesterday to pathetically diminish my factual interjection in a conversation and mansplain, so I called him “buzurgwaar”. Matlab pagal hi ho gya woh ghussay sey. So I’d say use buzurgwaar.
— Nuzhat S. Siddiqi (@guldaar) September 8, 2018
People were adamant about the fact that the term is non-patronising but how it is used and its context are what make the difference.
sometimes ppl use mohtarma condescendingly too just like Bibi. Altho in kpk culture BB is a title of respect.
— Humayra (@Humayrah_K) September 8, 2018
Again, it came down to context and tone.
What is a nonpatronizing term to use in such situations? I have used mohtarma where I felt Bibi was unwelcome but that didn’t go down too well either.
— ظلّ الٰہی (@XilleIlahi) September 8, 2018
People were confused about the entire situation and could not wrap their head around the fact that bibi is indeed used as an offense at times
Wait bibi is patronizing?
For sindhis it’s a term of endearment
— Shehzad Ghias (@Shehzad89) September 8, 2018
Someone finally spelled it out for the confused people how the term can be used in a patronizing manner.
Like o bibi baat sun 😛
— Kamil Ahmed (@BeingKamil) September 8, 2018
On a second thought, if you dwell deeper into it, it is not just “bibi ” which makes it sound offensive but rather the entire sentence. The use of “o” and “sun” seem to make it sound like someone is referring to someone in a patronizing manner, and somehow “bibi” becomes the sole culprit.
Soon, ideas were thrown in for equally “offensive” male terms.
Bhaisaab
— Saman Abbasi (@samanabbasi1) September 8, 2018
What? Bhai saab is patronizing? But what about Altaf bhai?
People hilariously started pouring in their suggestions.
Uncle (or uncle ji)
— Umair Javed (@umairjav) September 8, 2018
Chacha!
— Nabeel Shakeel Ahmed (@ns_ahmed) September 9, 2018
And there were many…Lol.
Hazrat, (Bahut) bhare mian, mohtaram, Mian, sahib,
— Alia Chughtai (@AliaChughtai) September 9, 2018
This woman has the right idea: https://t.co/FQcERh6fYj
— Nida Kirmani (@nidkirm) September 10, 2018
Some people were smart enough to pinpoint where the problem lies as well
Uncle really ruffles feathers, esp if the subject is in denial about their age 😂
— prima facie female (@shmyla) September 9, 2018
I mean this guy has a point. Remember this UNCLE on Fahad’s game show?
And the long list of supposedly patronizing terms for men continued to grow with every other tweet.
Maama for males
— Shiraz Hassan (@ShirazHassan) September 9, 2018
Paa-ji .. and that literally means Bhai … I dont think there is a better way to get on a man’s nerves 😂😂😂
— Sparkle (@anihRx) September 8, 2018
chachay
— bye (@plathwoolf_) September 8, 2018
Of course, there were people who were offended by the tweet in question too.
The reactions to this thread are so interesting. Lots of women and men with great suggestions (thanks you!), a significant number of men mansplaining what 'bibi' means without reading the entire thread, and a few men getting very worked up because you know, feminism.
— Nida Kirmani (@nidkirm) September 9, 2018
They argued against the original point.
Not everything is misogynistic.Bibi is equivalent of madam. I never used 'bibi' to undermine a women. Some terms are more related to culture.BTW agar ma aap ko Nida keh kar mukhatib karu tau aap foran khengi 'ziada free honay ki koshish na karo'
— Shees Muhammad Khan (@SheesUbf) September 8, 2018
We call our Mother as BiBi. Not only her children but our whole family included our Mamus and Chachos called her BiBi.
— Zama (@ZeshanMehdi) September 10, 2018
Is 'bibi' literally talking down? :p So many girls have that as surname esp in southern Punjab.
— asad (@_asadayaz) September 9, 2018
In the end, it all comes down to this:
Every respectful word becomes sarcastic if you use it in that context and tone.
— Mahesh Dutt (@m__dutt) September 9, 2018
While it’s pretty hilarious, the thread helps to bring to the surface the very fact that it is not the term or the label but the manner in which you use it for someone which can ruffle feathers. It is extremely necessary that we keep a close watch on our context and our tone while we call someone bibi or bhai saab, or anything else from the long list shared above.
So were you surprised by all the terms people find offensive? I mean aunty and uncle are nationwide accepted abuses (lol), but did other terms come off as a surprise to you? Let us know what are some other terms which piss people off?
This News Anchor’s Hilarious Urdu Pronunciation On Live TV Is Absolutely Viral And Tbh, Burgers Can Relate
After Rumors Of Billionaire Shahid Khan’s “Donation”, Pakistanis Are Making Jokes About International Celebrities Donating To The Damn Fund