How many times have we caught our beloved Pakistani aunties and uncles make slightly questionable remarks? The kinds that make you tilt your head and lift an eyebrow. Maybe it has something to do with the famous saying, “you can take the person out of Pakistan but not Pakistan out of the person.” Nonetheless, here’s a list of all the comments you’ve probably heard at least once from a Pakistani Canadian:
1. We have to pick up after our own mess? BY OURSELF?
The sad reality of not having an underpaid servant to cook and clean for us is just unbearable, and frankly tiring.
2. Kambakht driver bhi nahi hai yahaan
I have to drive myself to work? To parties? Is this the kind of life I left my country for? Where I can’t just hire someone to do all my basic and tedious work for me?
3. We’re just here for the citizenship status
Oh yeah, once we have our passports we’re gone. But don’t worry; we’ll be back to take full advantage of child tax benefits, free healthcare and education systems.
4. Speaking of education, the school system here is brainwashing our kids
My child’s teacher asked her to report any domestic abuse. We can’t even discipline our kids now? And there’s no need to be giving such young children sex-ed talks, even if it’s in a professional environment. Islamic school it is!
5. The taxes are burning a hole in my pocket and heart
Yes, I want free healthcare, but do I really at the cost of such high tax rates? Every time I walk into the store I’m stuck doing mental calculations of how much an item is really going to cost with the added 13% sales tax. Sometimes I think these benefits aren’t worth it.
6. These goray kick their children out at 18
We’re culturally superior because if being Pakistani has taught us anything, it’s family values. Not only is letting your kid have their own autonomy early on uncultured but also a way of refusing to take on their responsibility. How shameful.
7. We are not Pakistani, we are Canadian
The minute we were handed our PR cards, there was no looking back. Although annual trips to Pakistan are a must, we have totally embraced the Canadian culture ignoring all beliefs or values that come with a Pakistani heritage.
8. In Pakistan we wouldn’t have to…
Stand in dreadful long line-ups at the passport/driver’s license/healthcare card renewal offices. I could have just gotten my mamoo’s chachoo’s beta to hook me up with faster service.
9. The weather here sucks
This -30 degrees weather is gloomy and depressing. The piercing cold air stiffens my bones as if this were God’s way of punishing me. But then again the hellish heat of Pakistan is also unbearable so I’m going to be unhappy regardless.
10. Canada is so expensive
I basically walk into stores with fingers hanging from each earlobe whispering tauba tauba while mentally converting items into rupees. They complain that Pakistan mein mehangayi bhar gayi hai, but this is much worse!
11. There is no system here
What’s the point of hiring people to operate street sweeper machines? Using our taxpayer money to create useless employment opportunities. Who needs clean roads anyway? And why is this new highway project going to take two years? Nawaz Sharif would have done it in six months!
12. The man who cried HARAAM!
These goray should be wishing us Eid Mubarak and accommodating our every cultural need but God forbid we ever wish them Merry Christmas. Oh and trick-or-treating on Halloween is basically celebrating Satan’s existence so yeah, haraam!
Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments!