Falling ill is a serious predicament, koi mazaq nahi iss baray mei. However just like all things Pakistani, our patients also come in various assortments and make lives difficult for their doctors, who in all honesty want to help them.
Following are the types of patients you would see lurking around an average Pakistani clinic:
1. The over-actors
These patients might just be suffering from a mild headache or a passing flu but judging by the amount of groans and painful gasps escaped by these people, doctors might just be fooled into believing something greater is at play.
2. The medicine maniacs
So the doctor prescribed one dose of Panadol and ibuprofen to these patients but they are more likely to tear up the prescription like a boss and order every medicine in the pharmacy instead. Why you ask? Why not, is their reply :p
3. The know-it-alls
According to these patients , Doctors don’t know shit about their profession and they would try to rectify this situation by lending in their not-so-helpful advice at the time of diagnosis.
Spoiler Alert: Not helpful dude. Not at all.
4. The unsatisfied customers
So this might look as a sub-category of the know-it-alls but the primary difference is that these patients have no doubt whatsoever in the abilities of their doctor. It’s just that blaming the doctor for every cough/sneeze/toothache is just the simpler option.
5. The ones with bacha-party
These patients tend to hail more from the female gender (no misogyny here, just stating some facts) because the lovable offspring cannot bear to leave their mothers’ side for even a second and it becomes quite a challenge for the doctors to diagnose the proper illness with five kids hanging on the mother’s shirt.
6. The bacha-party itself
The little ones are the hardest patients by far because it is a challenge in itself calming them down and keeping them still long enough to properly check them.
7. The needle-phobes
Spot the injection. Cue frantic crying, heavy breathing and uncontrolled hysteria. One might think most of these patients are toddlers but one would be absolutely wrong. You can find needle-phobes (the medical term for which is “trypanophobia” ) of every age, color and ethnicity and they are the worst nightmare of any doctor.
8. The curious ones
For this particular brand of patients, a doctor’s clinic is not just that. It is an anthropology museum where gawking at various equipment is the norm. More often than not you’ll find these people shaking hands with the skeleton behind the door and trying to maneuver the thermometer into their mouths or *gasp* armpits.
9. The ones with high connections
Doctors tend to grow vary of such patients pretty fast because even though they pay *ahem-ahem* “hefty” sums of money to get checked, do one thing wrong and they recite the names of their relatives in the power positions faster than Qandeel Baloch sprouts new scandals.
10. The ones suffering from hypochondria
Hypochondriac is a person who is abnormally anxious about their health. These patients come to the doctors ready with a list of ailments they feel guaranteed to be suffering from and no amount of coaxing can lead them to believe otherwise. Every known disease in the world of medicine in not too exotic for them and their treatment becomes really hard.
11. The dil-phenks
These patients most typically hail from the male gender and despite knowing that they might potentially be ill, these dil-phenks are not above hitting on the female doctor checking them. Losers. -__-
We’re sure you can relate to some of these types of patients. Wish you all are blessed with the good health and sound minds 🙂
Cover Image via: invokemagazine.com
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